“Customers from Hell”

Recognizing, and dealing with, the “Customers from Hell” 

by Frank Burke 

“Customer satisfaction” is right up there with mom and apple pie when it comes 

to standards of excellence.  In the corporate world, some would go even further.  

One CEO announced a program which he called “Customer Delight.”  

(Presumably, this effort was designed to keep his firm’s patrons in a state of 

perpetual ecstasy.)   

Certainly, it’s true that without delivering customer satisfaction, no firm can 

possibly stay in business, and ongoing attention to the evolving and emerging 

needs of the marketplace is the foundation of good marketing.  The reality exists, 

however, that the term, “customer satisfaction,” can mean different things to 

different people at different times; and there are some individuals who, for 

whatever reason, can never be completely satisfied.  If a firm is to establish a 

culture of customer satisfaction, it is necessary to be able to evaluate potentially 

difficult situations and quickly resolve them and to know what situations or 

individuals are to be avoided before they engender high costs in terms of time, 

money and effort.  Younger or less experienced salespeople and customer 

service personnel especially need to be trained in evaluating circumstances and 

individuals. 

A good example of the challenge of balancing customer satisfaction can be found 

in the sale of a large capital goods item (such as a machine or system) that 

involves a number of individuals from within the buyer’s organization.  The 

purchasing department is concerned primarily with price and wants the lowest 

cost possible.  Engineering and manufacturing want specific performance 

features and, in some cases, customization.  Plant engineering would like service 

agreements and guarantees extending into the future.  Obviously, when it comes 

to the vendor, some of these desires are in conflict.  The price that will please 

purchasing may not cover the features desired by engineering and the 

guarantees that plant engineering or maintenance wishes.  In this case, customer 

satisfaction becomes a delicate balancing act, especially if there is less-than- 

scrupulous competition involved.  Where relationships are good and people are 

reasonable, a workable solution can be found, and there is no more rewarding 

professional experience than developing a relationship in which both sides 

appreciate the other’s needs and are not afraid to go the extra mile when 

necessary. 

Although the majority of individuals can be reasoned with, there is a group that is 

best to avoid.  Here is an abbreviated Field Guide to some of the “customers 

from hell:” 

• The Whiner.  Just talking to this individual is good for a three-day 

migraine.  Nothing is ever right.  Fix one thing, and there’s something else 

wrong – whether or not that’s the case.  Worst of all, every phone call lasts 

at least half an hour, and there are perpetually three messages in your 

voice mail or on your desk demanding an urgent call back. 

 Like the boy who cried “wolf,” the whiner is so incessant that he is 

ultimately ignored, but then, if something really goes wrong, your company 

will be blamed because “they never listened to me.” 

• The Chiseler.  For the chiseler, the negotiation is never over.  Even if 

you’ve made the sale by cutting price to the bone, there is an unending 

stream of demands for free updates, free training, free service calls and 

more meetings – which are always scheduled for 11:30 a.m. so that you 

can take him to lunch.   

• The Ignoramus.  Several moments after the conversation starts, you 

become aware that this individual knows absolutely nothing about the job 

they’re supposed to be doing.  Though they may try to hide it through the 

use of an entire litany of buzz words, the reality is that they are probably in 

the job through personal connections, sucking up to the boss, or a 

massive meltdown in the HR department.  Your first instinct might be to 

very gently try and educate them about (a) their business, (b) your 

product, and (c) how the two can work advantageously together.  

Unfortunately, as soon as they realize that you know their true 

incompetency, you’ll be resented and badmouthed throughout their 

organization. 

• The Dictator.  Even when you’ve rationally explained why his demands are 

not in his own best interests, the dictator will shout you down.  Always right 

in his own mind, the dictator demands nothing less than total agreement.  

You’ll never win because you’re up against ego, and one of the most 

telling symptoms of egomania is tunnel vision. 

• The Promiser.  The promiser really likes you and wants to be your pal.  He 

or she would love to buy your product but just can’t quite afford it.  

However, if you’ll come down on the price this time, you’ll be eligible for 

untold sales success in the future. 

 There are a number of variants of the promiser’s line.  In smaller 

businesses, you’ll frequently hear, “As we grow, you’ll grow with us.”  In 

larger firms, it’s frequently, “We’re expecting a new order next week, and 

we’re going to need much more of what you’re selling.”  Don’t believe any 

of it.  The promises are, as marketing guru Rick Jefferies would say, “Like 

a gold mine in Egypt.” 

• The Liar.  Most liars are extremely frightened individuals who are in way 

over their heads.  Ultimately, they will be found out and – unless they’re 

related to the boss – fired; but, while they’re in play, they can do an 

incredible amount of damage. 

 Their stock in trade ranges from misrepresenting what was told them to 

inventing promises never made.  The truly pathological ones will even 

resort to personal accusations.  If you’re fortunate enough to spot the early 

warning signs (little inconsequential lies), put everything in writing and try 

to have a third party present at all meetings.  Better yet, run the other way.   

• The Sadist.  Fortunately less common than many other difficult customer 

types, the sadist is less concerned with results than with making life 

miserable for select individuals.   

 Some years ago, I knew a young rep who was assigned to one of his 

company’s largest accounts.  The customer was a man who had lost his 

only son in a tragic accident, and his bitterness toward the world was 

palpable.  He would frequently call at 4:45 p.m. demanding extensive 

reports or changes to materials by the next morning.  He reserved Friday 

afternoons for gripe sessions in which he would threaten to take the 

business elsewhere – thereby ruining the weekend.  At other times, he set 

meetings for Saturdays or days adjacent to holidays so as to preclude any 

chance of a long weekend.  The account rep, who was extremely 

personable, skilled and well-regarded, was forced to quit after less than six 

months.  Despite the amount of business generated, his employer was 

both cruel and stupid in failing to draw the line with such a pathetic bully.   

• The Nut Case.  This one can manifest some or all of the symptoms 

described above at any point in time.  The reality is that the behavior is 

symptomatic of a genuine imbalance.  Some of these people are capable 

of engaging in a detailed and rational conversation which they will later be 

unable to recall.  Others can be quite personable and cooperative and, at 

the last minute, pull the rug out from under the sale.  They come in many 

varieties, but all demand a great degree of attention focused on 

themselves rather than the business at hand.  On occasion, substance 

abuse might be involved.  While they may not be totally responsible for 

their actions, they are unpredictable and professionally dangerous. 

I’m sure that anyone with more than a year’s experience in field sales or retailing 

could add a great many more types to this list.  And if there are certain other 

types that occur more regularly in your particular business or line of work, it might 

be a good idea to define them.  In marketing, we frequently discuss the 

importance of “qualifying the customer.”  Usually, this is taken to mean 

determining whether the prospect needs the product, can afford it, and is serious 

about purchasing in the near term.  While these are primary considerations, it is 

also advisable to add the behavioral or temperamental component to the 

evaluation.  The difficult customers can not only generate disproportionate 

monetary costs in terms of time and service, they can create morale problems 

destructive to your organization and can destroy your reputation for customer 

satisfaction.  It is just as important to walk away from the bad customers as it is 

to find the good ones.  Your salespeople will feel both appreciation and loyalty 

knowing that you’ll back them up when they tell the “customers from hell” where 

to go.